Contributing RD&T writer, Donna Goddard, writes about the complex nature of liking someone and the wide range of attraction we are capable of.

Many people have a fear of being accused of liking someone. It is meant as a put-down. It implies we are pathetic and delusional about our own worth. In order to avoid any such implication, we can go to great lengths to make sure that we never extend the hand of friendship or open our heart to another, in case it is misconstrued or rejected. As one becomes more whole within oneself, one naturally becomes less able to be humiliated. To be able to humiliate someone is a sure way of keeping that person in check. However, if we are not easily humiliated then we have taken a great power from our enemies.

Likes and Attractions

Liking is a complex phenomenon. There are not just two choices in the like department: have no feelings for someone or have full-blown romantic feelings for someone. We are complex, and our needs are complex. On top of that, we change, and other people change. Parts of ourselves are drawn to certain people, other parts of ourselves are drawn to other people. However, if we are conscious of this, we can try to determine which part of ourselves is drawn to which part of another person. We can choose which attraction to put more energy into.

Whatever we choose will determine the growth and direction of our life. Wherever our attention is, our life-force will follow and create what it is we are focusing on. We will automatically start to align, for good or bad, with anything and anyone we think about a lot. It is our very likes which will bring light into those great black spaces within us. Dark spaces which, for many, are suppressed with pain relief like alcohol. Dark spaces which are calling for the light of day to enter and break us apart so that something new and alive can grow.

Secure people don’t fuss about other people’s likes and attractions.

It is always a compliment if someone likes us. It means that another person can see something in us that they would like in their life. That is neither bad for us nor demeaning for another. There is generally no need to say or do anything. People’s likes and attractions help them to form into the person they are becoming. It adds energy to their direction. The person will eventually turn their attention elsewhere if the situation is unhealthy or going nowhere. If they are meant to be in our life, both we and they will keep being there, present, not going away. Neither will leave.

When we like a public figure, as in a movie star or a person who has come to represent certain values in society, we are aligning with an archetypal image inside ourselves which we wish to be reminded of. For instance, when men align with an archetype which is feminine, spiritually oriented, and caring, it is their own heart and soul which they are aligning with. They often feel more comfortable owning it out there in someone else rather than owning it in themselves.

This article is from Love’s Longing