Home Relationship With Your Life PartnerHealthy Relationship Honor Your Feelings and Don’t Defend or Justify Them

Honor Your Feelings and Don’t Defend or Justify Them

written by Barry and Joyce Vissell March 4, 2020
Honor Your Feelings and Don't Defend or Justify Them

Someone once gave Barry and me a small yellow button to wear that says, “You never need to defend or justify your feelings.” I love the message on this button, and, though I don’t wear it, I keep it in my desk so it is the first thing I see when I open the drawer. This little message has helped me over and over again. In addition, I would add to the message that you also never have to be ashamed of your feelings.

Strong Feelings

I really feel my feelings. Sometimes I have to admit that I wish I could turn them off, but I can’t. Barry tells me I am very blessed to feel so deeply, and he wishes he could feel his feelings more often. Sometimes everyone in a room will be acting as if everything is just perfect, and yet, I can feel that something is off or inharmonious. When I state these unpopular feelings, I can be met with criticism. But to remain silent is painful. And when I try to defend or justify my feelings, it just makes things worse, and I feel worse.

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