In a long-term relationship, it’s likely that one of you will want sex more frequently than the other. This can create uncomfortable conflicts. Here are some ideas that can help you manage your differences.
1. Assume Your Partner will be Hurt When You Turn Down Sex
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t say no to your partner, but it does mean you should understand that your “no” is likely to have an emotional impact.
At some level, perhaps at an unconscious level, your partner will feel hurt and may spin into one of these common negative thoughts:
- “Maybe he doesn’t really love me.”
- “I’m not sexy.”
- “He’s tired of me.”
Intellectually, your partner probably knows that you love him or her and that you still find them sexy. But emotionally it is a different story. In relationships, we can easily go into a place of feeling rejected and not good enough. It’s what we do as humans.
