First, we said you should look after your body, next we said you should rectify your perspective on time, and then we said you should build a healthy outlook on the material aspects of your life. Now we are going to discuss relationships. In some ways, understanding happiness was driven by my interest in why many gay relationships fail. I originally had a theory that gay relationships fail because so many gay people are unhappy. From a neurological perspective, happiness is related to neurotransmitters in your brain and these transmitters are destroyed by stress. I thought stress in the gay community was mainly caused by the rejection of society. So to put it in a rational line: rejection gives stress, stress destroys neurotransmitters, lack of neurotransmitters gives depression or unhappiness, unhappiness destroys gay relationships. I still believe that this argument holds water, but it is also true that a good relationship gives you happiness. So in my research into the aspects of happiness, I realised that relationships aren’t only destroyed by unhappiness; it also helps to give you happiness if you take care of them. Therefore, you could say that some gay people might be unhappy because they did not look after their relationships in the first place. This is getting a bit technical, so let’s dive into the practical aspects of our relationships.
Relational and Spiritual Growing into Happiness
Gay Happiness: Cornerstones 4 - 5
Dr. Brand Doubell is a sexologist, life coach, and relationship therapist in South Africa. He is co-owner and founder of the Cobrastone marriage program, the Cobragay group for helping gay people with rejection, and The Happy Clinic. He studied theology, philosophy and psychology in South Africa and in the Netherlands.