Home Relationship With Your Life PartnerSustainable Relationships Your Relationship: Is It Worth The Effort?

Your Relationship: Is It Worth The Effort?

written by Christine Walter October 12, 2020
Your Relationship: Is It Worth The Effort?

Relationships are the key to health and happiness yet also a source of tremendous stress. This post is for couples that are either married or in a monogamous committed relationship. Many couples engage in a transactional dynamic where good deeds are reciprocal (e.g., you scratch my back and I will scratch yours). When a positive action is not returned then resentment builds. This cycle inevitably leads to disappointment and suffering.

Effort in Relationships

Do you find yourself thinking that you do all the work and make all the effort in the relationship? It is wise to take a deeper look into your relationship and your expectations. All relationships go through the thrill of new love, what scientists refer to as the “limerance” phase.

The same regions of your brain that are involved in addicted behavior are ignited, and your partner becomes the center of your world. Eventually, work, stress, family, and time itself get in the way and the romance begins to fade. If you are reading this article then the limerance phase has ended and true intimacy is now possible.

What if you are 100 percent responsible for your relationship?

This may be a bold statement and cause some unrest to your current philosophy and ego; yet let’s explore this possibility. Your subconscious and conscious thoughts, energy, and actions directly impact every single person you encounter. What you communicate or don’t communicate evokes a response from the other. You are not in control of their response, you are only in control of what you communicate.

A relationship is defined as ” the way in which two or more concepts, objects or people are connected, or the state of being connected.” The way in which you are connected to your partner is dependent on the way in which you are connected to yourself in the moment. Relationships reflect who we are and how we feel about ourselves. It is common for people to realize they no longer like who they are and what’s being reflected back to them, so they decide to end the relationship.

How do you know if it is the right thing to do; to let go of this primary love relationship and move forward without them? This question insinuates letting go of your partner is right or wrong and that moving forward is possible. Before you make a list of reasons that appeal to your conscious mind, let’s suspend judgment/logic and explore your relationship with your emotions.

It is possible you selected your partner for reasons known and unknown to you.

The unknown can surface negative emotions you didn’t expect, therefore causing doubt in your choice of partner. Emotions are stored in the subconscious when we are unable to experience them wholeheartedly. Your primary relationship becomes the biggest source of opportunity to feel these hidden emotions.

It is imperative for relationship success that you allow yourself to experience negative emotions without repressing them. This does not mean recklessly expressing them. When you express your negative feeling while you are in a negative state of mind, then connection is highly unlikely. A relationship is not sustainable if you can’t allow yourself to fully experience negative emotions without resistance. You will feel trapped and unable to evolve to your highest potential. You are always worth the effort that it takes for being responsible for managing your own emotional state and communicating with love and kindness to your partner. The result is your personal freedom and happiness.

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