Tired of trying to figure out if someone really likes you or not? Maryanne Comaroto, PhD, gives 6 tips to spot a leaker or a liker.
He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me… and her, too? I can’t tell you how many times friends or clients have complained about their disenchanting, painful encounters with “leakers.” Men and women who seem so great at first, almost too good to be true and then…wham, bam, ouch, waah…
What’s a leaker, you ask? Or maybe you already know. Maybe you are one. For those who don’t know, it’s a term I adopted from my father, tweaked, and used liberally when appropriate. It describes someone who leaks their sexual energy—and not in a “good way”—someone who wants you to want them, who enjoys and prefers the chase, the hunt, the rush, and the kill.
Sounds messy eh? Oh, yeah. It can lure even the sweetest, most naïve person to sell their precious soul for just a taste. They will lead you on, bark up your tree, pursue you as you have never been pursued, woo you up the highest mountain. Typically they are incapable of intimacy, married, or already in one or several relationships because they need so much attention, are narcissists or just flat out want to hump and dump you because…they can.
Leakers move like liquid chocolate, envelop you with their smoldering languid glances, devour you with their luscious smiles, and seduce you with their choreographed confidence until you beg to drown a slow death in exchange for just a sip.
It’s that irresistible something you can’t put your finger on.
But you want to be near or keep coming back for more ‘cause it feels so good. She’s the seductress, the hedonist, the junkie; he’s the shadow hissing and whistling, cat-calling you like an ancient siren that renders you deaf, dumb, and blind to their intention—which is to eat you up and spit you out. If you have low, loads, or no self-esteem, no matter; the leaker’s pull is like a vortex few can withstand as our hearts ache and long for what the shadow only pretends to bring…never-ending passion.
Steamy…right! Yeeeesssss, it’s the best. I mean, come on, who doesn’t want to be the object of that kind of rapture at least once (or once in a while)? I liken leakers to sharks; they command a certain awe and are certainly powerful and dangerous (which is exciting and could, in fact, render me senseless). The difference is, there is no doubt in my mind about whether or not I jump in a shark tank. For all you shark divers—pick another metaphor!
Finding the Leakers and the Likers
The deal with leakers is knowing how to tell them from the likers; unless you are a leaker junkie and have no intention of quitting. For the rest of you, here are a few tips that will help you navigate the dangerous waters of telling the leakers from the likers.
- The first time you meet a leaker, he/she will make you feel like you are the most special person in the whole world. You forget where you are as if you are the only two people in the whole room/train/dance club/world. You might never eat or sleep again, or at least will check your email (VM, whatever) ten times an hour to see if they called, twittered, pinged you—like a crack addict waiting for his junk. VS: On the other hand, the first time you meet a liker, you feel curious, a subtle yet particular interest to know more. You recognize their personal boundary and respect it, feel their reciprocal awareness of you but are not overwhelmed by it. You are left with a warm feeling.
- Leakers leave you feeling insecure. VS: The likers leave you feeling good about yourself.
- The leaker’s affection isn’t exclusive to you, and you start to wonder what you are doing wrong or what is wrong with you that you can’t keep their attention. VS: The liker behaves this particular way in your presence alone, cordial and social to others but qualitatively different.
- The leaker moves fast. VS: The liker isn’t in a hurry; they know what they want and will wait.
- Leakers are exciting but get bored and indifferent easily. VS: Likers are more like a slow burn, not so quick to jump. They ramp up, like the buildup, and are into sustainability.
- Leakers have a rep for being, well, leakers; cheaters, players, have problems with commitment, etc. VS: Likers have a history of trial and error, like most, but have a track record of longevity and heart and partner(s) who’ll vouch for it.
So, whether you are a leaker trying to quit, tired of getting leaked on, or simply satisfied to finally find a name for those folks who do that thing they do—there you go. And after all these years on my own path, I can safely say I keep a healthy distance from the shark tank, however fascinating they are. As the saying goes; look, don’t touch! A little goes a long way!