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The Science of Love

written by Dr. Steven Cangiano January 6, 2021
Science if love-how we fall in love

What is love? Is it some cosmic, ethereal, undefinable entity that eludes all but a lucky few?  Have you ever met someone and felt an immediate connection? Falling in love requires three ingredients: mental, emotional, and physical harmony. These components form the foundation of a healthy relationship. There is a fourth element that brings longevity to your relationships; it is having a common vision, which is discussed in detail in the article Sustainable Relationships. This is the science of love.

Understanding how and why you fall in love (i.e. the science of love) will help you create the relationship you desire. Timing and opportunity are factors, but there are countless stories of star-crossed lovers meeting and falling in love at the most inconvenient time and place. They felt a captivating force bringing them together. When this happens, mental, emotional, and physical harmony are present.

When you meet someone, there are a multitude of things happening beneath the surface. You are interacting with three levels of someone’s personality: their mind, spirit, and body. These are energy and information centers that vibrate at a very specific frequency. These three vibrations are always seeking harmony. You are naturally drawn to similar and or higher levels of vibration. The Law of Attraction, also known as “vibration and attraction,” is based on this principle.

The science behind the vibration of material objects is not a new concept. Louis De Broglie proved this in 1929 when he won the Nobel prize in physics. He showed that every material object in the universe has its own unique wavelength or frequency. This is even true for human beings.

Aspect one: “Mental Vibration”

Thoughts are the purest form of energy and information that vibrate at specific frequencies. These vibrations harmonize with comparable ideas. When you meet someone who has similar thoughts, there is an instant connection. You experience this harmony through interesting conversation, laughs, profound philosophical discussions and a healthy exchange of ideas.

We have all been drawn to interesting, intelligent people whether they are male, female, young or old. Mental attraction is a powerful connection.  Intellectual harmony is compelling; this type of attraction evolves from similar intelligence, ideas, beliefs, conditioning, and background. Intellectual compatibility is based on a multitude of factors but is unique to every couple. It could be based on sports, kids, faith, occupation, politics, food, health, world views, travel, nationality, fitness or stamp collecting. It does not matter what it is as long as you harmonize. If someone is at a higher vibration on a topic that is interesting to you, you will automatically be drawn to that person.

Aspect two: “Emotional (Spiritual) Vibration”

The emotional aspects of relationships are the most captivating.  When exploring the emotional aspects of your being, opposites do not attract. A happy, fulfilled person is attracted to a happy, fulfilled person. If you are calm, hyper, spiritual, depressed, angry, evolved, etc. – you will be attracted to people with similar emotional traits. No matter how much you harmonize on an intellectual level, the emotional level is the most compelling. Without the emotional level of connectedness, the mental aspect alone will not energize a relationship. The mental aspect is your belief about life, while the emotional/spiritual aspect is your moment-to- moment experience of life.

Are you soft, tender and emotional? Are you cold, hard and reliable? Do you honor and respect others, or are you self-centered and egotistical? Does the world revolve around you, or are you a doormat for others? Are you late and unreliable, or are you consistently thoughtful and dependable? Who you choose to be in relation to these questions will determine the type and quality of your relationships. There are healthy and unhealthy energies in all aspects of your personality. You will harmonize with similar people or with those whom you aspire to be like.  The spiritual connection is the deepest and the most profound. This bond generates the most compelling feelings a human being can experience.

When you harmonize mentally and emotionally, you are at least great friends, and there is a strong bond. When you also align on a physical level, the fireworks begin.

Aspect three: “Physical Vibration”

Physical vibration is the most obvious. A thin, fit, healthy, athletic body harmonizes with the same. A bodybuilder harmonizes with another bodybuilder. A runner blends with a runner. We gravitate toward people we are like, or want to be like, physically.

The physical realm presents unique challenges.  Potential conflicts begin when an overweight, poorly conditioned person wants to be with a thin, fit, healthy, athletic person. The first individual often feels as though money, charm or a good sense of humor will compensate for the physical incongruity. But the quality of thought and emotion that goes into creating an unhealthy body is usually out of harmony with the thoughts and feelings of a person who is creating a thin, healthy, and in-shape physique.

People focus on the physical because it is our most noticeable trait. It is the path of least resistance in a relationship. The mental and emotional are less obvious and function at a higher vibration. People crave oneness on a profound level, but it is difficult for people to be open, honest and articulate when it comes to their thoughts and feelings. It is risky to connect on a mental and emotional level, especially if you have been hurt in the past. Therefore, many people looking to develop a relationship start on a physical level because it is easiest. Yet sex without mental and emotional harmony gives a temporary sense of a relationship, a momentary feeling of oneness followed by a deeper loneliness and more profound sense of separation.

Problems develop when sex is used as a substitute for the mental and emotional connection most people desire. Substitution sex leads to hurt and conflict. Many individuals crave a relationship but cannot make the mental and emotional connection, so they have casual sex with multiple partners in hopes that they will get lucky and fall into a real relationship. This approach creates a profound sense of disconnection and moves individuals further from the relationship they desire.

Conclusion:  Sustainable Love

Falling head over heels in love happens when the mental, emotional and physical vibrations are perfectly attuned. This is the most powerful, attractive force in the universe. Songs, books, movies, and poems throughout the ages are filled with stories of how people have moved mountains to be with their true love. These great romances are always born in perfect harmony. Unfortunately, this is not enough.

For your relationship to be sustainable you must be on a co-creative journey. You must decide who you are and where you are going. Then, and only then, you will be ready to find someone who wants to go with you. Never reverse this order or your relationships will be unpredictable even if they start out in perfect harmony.

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