Home Relationship With Your Life PartnerConflict Management: What Love is Not The First Relationship Disaster

The First Relationship Disaster

The Prevailing Cultural Myth

written by Dr. Steven Cangiano October 28, 2020
Relationship Disaster - The Prevailing Cultural Myth

Conflict The Prevailing Cultural Myth; What’s Wrong?

I contend that all the conflict can be understood through the lens of the “Prevailing Cultural Myth.” This myth has dominated our lives for 3,000 years and has spawned a level of thinking, which has us locked into a constant struggle with life. This level of thinking explains why we don’t attract what we want, and why conflict is an epidemic. There are three devastating fallacies propagated by our cultural story. They are:

  1. Arbitrary rules,
  2. Separation Philosophy,
  3. and Self-Condemnation.

When we discuss the myth, we are exploring the most common challenges we face. You cannot have solutions without challenges. RD&T magazine is here for your solutions. It is important to understand the problem so we can find effective solutions. Ten percent of our time will be spent defining the problem, and 90% on the solution. Get ready for the 10%.

We learned in the article, “Relationships: Purpose and Meaning of Your Life,” that we live in a world of duality. Opposites were created for you to understand and experience life. Society has conditioned us to look for what is wrong in almost every situation. We have been taught to focus on the problem. This may have been useful at certain points in our evolution. We have entered the age of transformation and we need solutions now. Let’s look at how humanity veered off course so we can right the ship of life.

The Beginning of Conflict

When a ship goes off course early in its journey, it will stray far from its original destination. We have been off course for so long, that we have forgotten our original destination. This misdirection started with humanity’s first relationship. Adam and Eve set us up for eons of relationship conflict.  Because conflict is so pervasive, most people’s first step on their journey to what works in a relationship is to learn the best conflict management skills (see our articles on Relationship IQ, The Path of Least Resistance and Conflict Management). Common sense dictates that the best way to have a healthy relationship is to become an expert at managing conflict. This strategy is logical on the surface, but is ultimately exhausting and unfulfilling. We are shooting for a higher goal than conflict management.

The Problem

How many times have you asked yourself “Why is my life so difficult?” or, “Why are relationships so complicated, so much work?” Perhaps more subtly you ask when things are going well, “This is too good to be true, when will this end?” You are not alone if you have the nagging feeling that something is wrong, could go wrong, or is going to go wrong. These thoughts may be with you constantly, or lurking just below the surface, waiting to strike at the most inopportune time. They steal moments of joy and turn them into moments of doubt and fear. These nagging feelings are a result of living in the prevailing cultural myth.

There is nothing wrong with you and never has been; you have come by these “what’s wrong” questions honestly. Three thousand years of cultural conditioning have made them automatic. They have become a normal part of life. They are not normal; they are a by-product of the prevailing cultural myth.  These limiting questions started when you were a child. Your parents, your first relationship models, may have told that you were bad; not that what you did was bad, but that you are bad. If you had enlightened parents and escaped this conditioning, you were exposed to negative people, negative stories, and a negative society. Self-condemnation because of this conditioning lies deep in our psyche, and has exacted a terrible price on humanity. This story, 3,000 years old, is rooted in the very early texts of the world’s major religions.

It started with the world’s first romance. “The Garden of Eden” parable tells us that God set-up heaven on earth and called it The Garden of Eden. God planted a beautiful apple tree in the middle of the garden. He placed the most perfect couple in history to frolic naked and unembarrassed. God had one rule. He told Adam and Eve: don’t eat those apples.

You know the story; the snake tempted Eve, Eve tempted Adam, Adam gave in, and God got upset! God’s punishment for disobeying was that Adam and Eve’s souls, and the souls of every human being to follow, would be blackened for eternity. On that day, “original sin” entered the world. Meaning that from the day you are born, you are born into sin and are wrong in the eyes of God. God told Adam and Eve what unenlightened parents tell their children – that if you disobey me, “you are bad,” not that what you did was bad but, “you are bad.”

The consequence of this disobedience are that you and your offspring have been sentenced to live a life of pain and suffering. This punishment includes the possibility of eternal torment in a lake of burning fire. Women must endure painful childbirth, and men must work by the sweat of their brow. That is of course until God sends his only son to come back to save us from the problem his first couple caused.

This religious parable has created the belief in billions that they are born bad, will stay that way for the rest of their lives, and there is little they can personally do about it.  Whether you are an atheist, an agnostic, a rabbi, cleric or priest, this story has pervaded the minds of the Western World for the last 3,000 years, carrying with it severe consequences.

Regardless of the original intent of this story, everyone has been deeply affected by it. This parable is at the heart of how we relate to each other and our world.  Almost everyone you interact with is an unconscious victim of the prevailing cultural myth. It runs their lives in three very disempowering ways.

FALLACY ONE – Arbitrary Rules

The first fallacy of the prevailing cultural myth is that “God” makes arbitrary and silly rules such as “don’t eat the apple” (if you don’t like the word “God,” substitute the word “life”). You must follow these ridiculous rules especially when you are tempted not to. S/He uses these rules to test our sinful human nature and uses relationships to tempt us! It is hard to believe that God/life would tempt us to do something that it did not want us to do, and then punish us for eternity for doing it. How many arbitrary social, religious and relationship rules do you live with? Do not allow arbitrary rules to govern your day to day life.

FALLACY TWO – Separation Philosophy

Because Adam and Eve ate the apple from the tree of knowledge of good and evil, humanity was cast from the garden (Heaven) and separated from God, the source of life. They were cast out of the Realm of the Absolute, where everything was perfect, into the Realm of the Relative (see our article Relationships: The Purpose and Meaning of Life). Humanity’s punishment is to languish for eternity in the Realm of the Relative, where opposites exist. In the Garden, everything was perfect. With opposites, the possibility of suffering, death and damnation exists. This separation theology has devastated our relationships with each other, and our planet. It has caused us to look at opposites as a curse instead of a blessing. Opposites are our tool to experience and enjoy life.

We would never treat the planet or each other the way we do, unless we thought we were separate from them. We still kill each other to settle our disputes – it’s pure insanity. This illusion of separation has given us permission to commit heinous acts of violence, neglect and destruction to each other, and our environment. By understanding the awful price humanity has paid because of separation philosophy, we can begin to heal our planet.

FALLACY THREE – Self-Condemnation

The third fallacy is that our souls have been darkened by the original sin. We are born bad and weak, and must struggle for the rest of our lives with our worldly nature. These beliefs have us frantically trying to prove to ourselves and the world that we are worthwhile. We have a deep, dark hole that we try to fill with relationships, possessions, money, alcohol, sex, drugs or food. This is an exhausting and fruitless pursuit. Is it any wonder 60% of marriages end in divorce or 60% of Americans are overweight or obese?  There is a way to end the conflict and the nagging negative feelings deep within. You must see through the prevailing cultural myth.

Combating the Myth

The prevailing cultural myth controls your thinking in a critical way. A computer analogy will illustrate. Suppose your brain is the computer hardware. The software that runs your brain are in the questions you ask yourself. These questions are rooted in the cultural myth. You’ve heard the phrase, “ask, and you shall receive.” Your software has been programmed to ask, “what’s wrong?” and that is what you receive. Almost everyone with whom you interact, is living in the question “what’s wrong?” This has caused an epidemic of self-loathing in this world, a systemic lack of self-confidence. A heartbreaking amount of self-inflicted suffering.

What’s wrong questions create a negative reality and violate the law of attraction.  What’s wrong questions are varied and include: “Why is my life such a struggle?” “Why can’t I meet the right person?” “Why are relationships so complicated?” “Why am I so fat?” or “Will I ever have enough money?” If things are going well, we ask: “When will this end?” When you ask, “Why can’t I meet the right person?” your obedient brain gives you a multitude of reasons why you can’t. The answers are taken as truth and worsen the very problem the question is trying to solve. Almost everyone you meet has the same programing.

Change your DOS

Questions control your thinking. Negative questions create a negative reality. These questions are programmed in your subconscious mind – they are your Data Operating System, or DOS. (see our article The Path of Least Resistance). It is important you are aware of the implications of having “what’s wrong” as your programing. When your DOS is rooted in what’s wrong, the law of attraction will never work in your favor. You will consistently attract what you don’t want. Gain insight into the negative questions, and the behaviors they create. You will transform your life. Root out every what’s wrong question. Stop focusing on the problem and be in harmony with the solution. You will be given the practical tools to do so.

The Solution

Now that we have identified the problem we can focus on the solution. The solution is to ask yourself new questions that create a new reality, that program a new DOS – questions that empower you to create what you want. Notice the common questions you ask yourself on a moment-to-moment basis. If you are experiencing consistently negative circumstances, or difficult relationships, you can always trace it back to a negative question. For instance, “Why is my life such a struggle?” will always lead to a life of struggle. Once you notice the “what’s wrong” questions you are asking yourself, switch them to empowering questions. Then learn to be proactive with your questions. Ask empowering questions in advance (see our article on Conscious Thinking).

Be excited about the amazing distinctions you have been exposed to here. The prevailing cultural myth has given us arbitrary rules, separation philosophy and self-condemnation through what’s wrong questions. What arbitrary rules regarding money, health and relationships do you live with? How can you transform these rules to enhance your life? What is the cost of separation philosophy and what can you do to change it? Self-condemnation will end with you when you transform all the what’s wrong questions to empowering ones. You understand the problem, now you are ready to focus only on solutions.

Related Articles

Leave a Comment

Log In

Lost Password

Register

The first step to becoming a member of the RD&T Community and the beginning of your personal Journey to Ultimate Success:

Join Now

Click the button below to register for a free membership and have access to unlimited articles.