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Since the beginning of civilization, people have tried to understand what controls behavior. History is full of strategies employed by religions, governments, medicine and science. Fear, in this age of enlightenment, still controls most people’s thoughts, feelings, and actions. With our evolved understanding of life, we must redefine fear. The word fear has so many different meanings to so many different people. The word itself can put you in a trance. “We have nothing to fear but fear itself,” sounds profound, but what does that mean?

Psychological fear comes from a lack of understanding of who you are. Who you are is unlimited, eternal, and free. Your life is for fuller and greater expression of more life. No condition or circumstance is greater than you are. Fear and conflict come from forgetting who you are, and by thinking you can be hurt, punished or destroyed. Fear also comes from thinking you need someone or something to save you. When you are out of sync with your true nature, you create fear and conflict, and stifle the creative process.

Nowhere is this more evident than in relationships. Relationship is the most important and exciting co-creative journey of your life (see our article Sustainable Relationships). You intuitively know that in a “spiritual relationship” there is no place for fear, doubt or conflict. The presence of these indicates that you don’t understand who you are. The quality of your relationship starts with your first thought, your sponsoring thought. If your first thought is fear based, your life will be filled with conflict (see our article Superstitions Everywhere). These unhealthy motivations are so pervasive that the clear majority of relationships are conflict-driven. Consequently, for conflict driven relationships to survive, we must become experts at managing the conflict. To have genuine success in our relationships, we must eliminate conflicts, not manage them. Managing conflict is a relationship pandemic; has this strategy worked for you?

Even the most qualified, well-intentioned family psychologist does not employ this distinction in practice. Such practitioners are trained to help you manage the fear and conflict; they are untrained at teaching you to bypass them. Psychology and psychiatry use societal norms as their baseline. Societal norms are far below a minimum threshold for what it takes to have an evolved relationship. Therefore, almost everything your family psychologist studies and teaches is conflict management based. They are compassionate, intelligent people who are great at what they do. They provide a valuable service. But we are aiming for a higher goal. We are here for your solution, not to manage your problems.

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