Martha Bodyfelt gives advice to take your time with your post-divorce to-do list to help your divorce recovery.
I hope your spring is going well and that the change of seasons isn’t kicking your ass like it is mine.
It’s funny whenever allergies kick my ass. I find myself thinking, “Hey, when is allergy season going to hurry the hell up so I can feel better? When is the weather going to stay a consistent temperature so I know what to wear day to day? When will it stay warm so I know whether or not to shave my legs?” You know–typical shit like that.
“Where are you going with this stream of consciousness, Martha?”
Change Your Thinking
Here’s the thing–for better or worse, living on the East Coast for ten years has honed my Type-A personality, where I expect things to be done…now! But during my own post divorce and recovery, I noticed that hurried crazy approach did nothing to actually help the healing process. If anything, it only added stress and panic to a situation where I was already feeling like shit.
And for any of you who may be kicking yourselves, thinking, “Why don’t I feel better yet? When do I start feeling better? Why am I still grieving? Why am I still pissed off?” I have news for you.
Stop thinking you have to do everything all at once.
Your recovery will not work that way.
Do you need to find housing if you’re moving out of the marital home? Yes.
Do you need to make sure you are financially secure, independent, and with your own checking/savings/credit card account? Yes.
Do you need to figure out a new retirement plan because yours has drastically changed? Absolutely.
Nobody’s saying that slacking off is the key to getting out of your rut. That’s not the point.
But there are a shitload of tasks out there that you simply can’t do in a weekend, that will take a while to accomplish, and that you can’t put a deadline on, only to punish yourself for not getting them done “on time.”
When you aren’t patient and kind to yourself, and when you don’t give yourself a minute to just chill the hell out, you are guaranteed to feel ridiculously overwhelmed. And that only means you’ll continue to lose confidence, doubt yourself, and stay in your rut.
I share ways to show you how to actually balance those competing recovery ideas: how to be productive and accomplish the concrete things you can control, while also learning how to feel calm and confident about the more nebulous things–the actual hard part of feeling confident again.
But you should know that this advice won’t be some corny useless “let’s make a vision board and manifest our destiny” type of crap. You’re going to receive some no-BS advice that’s actually going to help you.
So, how about you? Do you have any weird obstacle that you feel is keeping you from recovering and feeling more confident? If so, let me know by writing to me. I read every email and can’t wait to hear from you! Or, just leave a comment at the bottom of this post!
In the meantime, remember to take care of yourself! You deserve it.