There are many times when we are annoyed with our partner and are utterly convinced that our angry feelings are a direct result of what they have done or said, or haven’t done or haven’t said. We are so convinced of how obvious this is that we don’t bother to look more deeply. If we were to look, we could see what else is going on and the part that we play in the negative cycle. Once we commit to rising up to a higher level of responsibility, the subtle layers that were not previously apparent begin to reveal themselves. Only then can we begin to notice that our level of discomfort has less to do with our partner and more to do with our own reactivity.
Reversing a Negative Cycle by Loving Ourselves
Linda Bloom, LCSW, and Charlie Bloom, MSW, are both counselors, educators, seminar leaders, and co-authors of four books on relationships, including the best-seller, 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married: Simple Lessons to Make Love Last (over 100,000 copies sold).