I’m well aware that these days, being seen to care is far more important than actually caring. Therefore, tackling any subject that on the face of it screams “this is so politically incorrect” can be viewed as ill-advised or even suicidal as a career move. However, the irony is that if we are going to solve anything, whether it’s sexism, racism, religious prejudice, cultural intolerance, animal cruelty, poverty or any form of injustice, the only way to truly breakdown walls and educate all is to talk more. And talk honestly to allow all points of views to be heard, especially those that may rub us the wrong way. This is why I want to talk about “Neutered Men,” and I don’t care if this offends anyone; in fact, I really hope it does and that you tell me about it.
If there is any lesson to learn from our recent history, it’s the lesson the world learned in the first half of the last century. After World War I, the rest of the world decided to burden all German citizens with guilt, shame, and financial disadvantages and asked those citizens to accept this silently and pretend they are happy to bear the cost of the previous generation’s mistakes for as long as it takes; needless to say, this policy backfired catastrophically.
The elephant in every German living room during the 1920’s was there as a wonderful opportunity for anyone with extreme views to gain nationwide support just by starting every speech with the words: “Are you tired of paying for mistakes of the previous generation? Are you tired of feeling ashamed to be German? Well then, it’s time we do something about it. I want you all to (it doesn’t matter what it is, the speaker had them at ‘are you tired’).” I find it extremely puzzling, and somewhat alarming, that we don’t seem to learn the two most important lessons from that era: First, never blame today’s generation for the mistakes of the past because you’ll only produce a generation ready and willing to be radicalized; and second, never gag those who disagree with you because you will produce a conveyor belt of leaders ready to recruit those ready to be radicalized.
This is why I want to talk about Neutered Men. Men speaking about how they feel neutered by their partners and how they feel their partners have chopped their balls but are fearful of mentioning this to their women is a time bomb waiting to explode. It’s unhealthy for the men, the women, and especially the children of such couples. I’m focusing on heterosexual relationships because the problem is far more prevalent there. Same sex relations, by their nature, veer more towards equal treatment, honest expression, and mutual respect. The following conversations are all actual exchanges I have heard from friends or members of the public:
A couple next to me on a plane:
Man: Darling, do you want me to feed her first and then continue reading to her?
Woman: Oh, for god’s sake, you shouldn’t have even started reading yet, honestly (exacerbated huff and puff followed by a return to reading a magazine).
Man: Sorry, darling.
I don’t see anything in there that is endearing, loving or even respectful. In fact, if you make that couple swap their lines, we would all call that man a misogynist male chauvinistic pig. If you make the woman a parent of either sex and the man the nanny (and we omit the two mentions of darling), we would consider reporting that employer for abuse.
In a beachside restaurant with friends and their children:
There was a clothes shop next door, so our wives and daughters went there first. My friend and I went ahead to the restaurant to make sure the table was ready. Our table was ready, we sat down on two of the eight available seats, the sun was in our faces, we ordered two cold drinks, and were very happy chatting away. Twenty minutes later, our wives and daughters arrived. We were mid conversation:
Woman (to her husband): Get up, I want to sit there and catch the sun.
Man: Oh, ok, sure.
Same as the above example, swap the lines, does it sit well?
In a theme park with another family:
We just got to a restaurant selling only hot dogs. The queues were really long. One of their children realized they had left their hat on the last ride.
Wife to husband: Go get it, please.
My wife took the kids and went find a table, I queued with the wife of the other family. When we got to the till, I asked what would she like for her family as I thought I’ll order and pay once to make it faster. They have two children; she said, “Three hot dogs, three cokes.” I said, “Surely you mean four,” but she said, “No, he can get his own when he comes back.” I assumed maybe he’s fussy or has many allergies or is a vegan or whatever. We sat down, she told her kids to start eating, and then started herself. When the husband finally returned, we were nearly finished. He asked, “Where is my hot dog?” and she said, “You have to go get yours.” He simply said, “I see,” and then got up and queued and was back some 20 minutes later.
Asking a friend to go for a pub lunch on a Sunday,
Just me and him:
Friend: I don’t know if I can; I keep weekends free in case she’s got things planned or needs me to do stuff around the house. Can we make it during the week? Lunch not dinner; I don’t want to get in trouble with her.”
I swear on King Eric I have not exaggerated any of the above. These are not isolated incidents. There seems to be a general acceptance that it’s normal for men to feel apologetic or afraid. Or they are just forever trying to be obedient, silently hopeful that they won’t get told off.
In all of the examples above, the couples are westernized and educated. In the fourth example, the man has a high paying city job, the wife doesn’t work, has a live-in housekeeper and spends her days between hair salons, tennis club and morning coffees. I’m not envious – good for her and him – however, how did this happen? What’s going on? Why can’t they both be not afraid and enjoy their life and be in control of their time? What’s with this ubiquitous attitude where men need to “toe the line,” “walk the straight and narrow,” “keep her happy,” “a happy wife is a happy life,” needing to get a “visa from the boss,” and so on?
Don’t both men and women realize that such neutered behaviors lead to the men silently feeling hard done by and slowly but surely becoming resentful, the women slowly but surely losing any sexual attraction they once had to such men, and the children growing up to see women as bosses at home and men as door mats to ignore?
If I ever become a world supreme ruler, I will have two rules:
- All humans must be fitted with an insincerity detector on their forehead that lights up every time they fake express anything.
- I’ll assemble a “neutered” spotting police force, where upon spotting a neutered partner, the oppressor will be forced to wear a hat saying, “I’m all for enslaving people,” and the oppressed must wear a hat saying, “I love being treated like a door mat.”