When you fight with your partner it can feel like they are the enemy. LGBTQ couples can get momentarily trapped in a belief that the person they love is evil, intent on doing them harm. Unless you are in love with a sociopath, your partner is not evil. But I understand that’s how it feels when you are in a cycle of fighting.
As you take a closer look at your fights, perhaps you will see this very common pattern: One of you attacks and the other gets quiet and distant. Decades of research on couples shows that this pattern is the most widespread and enduring one in relationships.
Underneath this exhausting dance, here is what may be happening for each of you: