Home Family & SocietyDivorce Make a Divorce To-Do List to Make You Feel Better

Make a Divorce To-Do List to Make You Feel Better

written by Martha Bodyfelt February 3, 2020
Make a Divorce To-Do List to Make You Feel Better

Previously, we have talked about how we actually screw ourselves over when we try to get all our crap done at one time. Check out that story here if you haven’t yet!

Let’s pull that thread a little bit because it’s a conflicting concept when you’re recovering from your divorce. On the one hand, you’ve got weirdos like me saying, “Calm the hell down and don’t rush, rush, rush to your recovery because shit doesn’t work like that.”

But then, on the other hand, this same weirdo is going to tell you, “Hey, there are still some things you need to do on your end to help pave the way for feeling comfortable and feeling like your old self again.”

Okay, so at this point, you’re probably thinking, “Girl, how the hell can those two conflicting ideas co-exist?”

It’s called the No BS Compassion Timeline

Let’s start with the following: Think of your recovery process as a crazy ultra triathlon, where those completely insane athletes are running, swimming, biking, eating nasty endurance gels, and peeing in their bike shorts for days.

Well, that’s you. Probably minus the peeing in your bike shorts part.  But instead of those crazy physical activities, you’re balancing your grief, trying to be independent, trying to get your financial shit together, trying to be okay coming home to an empty house, and trying to figure out the next steps in your life.

Those ultra triathlon athletes don’t hit the ground running Day 1 and complete the triathlon. They train for months, breaking down their training into different sections (speed, endurance, flexibility, recovery, etc) before the day of the race.

Well, starting today, that’s you on the road to feeling comfortable again and back to your old self — where you get to a place where you feel confident again, less frustrated, not lonely, and not fighting back tears all the time.

Here’s What You Do

1. Make a list of all the logistical things you need to do in the next month.

These are the things you can actually control. Formulate a budget if you haven’t already, make an appointment with your financial advisor about your different retirement options, go to your medical appointments, make at least two lunch dates with your friends, stuff like that.

2. Describe how you’re feeling as you write that list.

You can jot down words next to the to-dos. If you’re stressed, write, “Stressed out as hell.” If you’re nervous, put, “Nervous.” If you’re overwhelmed, write, “Aaaaahahahaahahhahah” until you run out of paper.

3. Make a list of all the things you’re going to do for yourself in the next month.

On your list, you could have to go to the gym a few times a week, sign up for a fun class, get a massage, or make an appointment with your therapist.

4. Write all these things down in your calendar/appointment book/wherever you keep track of your shit.
5. In one month, go back to those original lists.

Next to those original feeling words you wrote, jot down what you’re feeling now. You’ll be surprised by how much your attitude will change.

Too Easy, Right?

In the future, we’ll talk about what to do when you don’t get all your shit done. Here’s the teaser: it doesn’t mean you get to sit and pout.

And if you have any questions about this exercise or want to share your list of shit to do and your feelings about it, you can write it in the comment section below. I read each one and love hearing from you!

Well, that’s it for now. But until we speak again, remember to take care of yourself! You deserve it.

For your Free Divorce Goddess Recovery Kit, stop by Surviving Your Split or drop Martha a line at [email protected].

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