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Moving Out of Your Ego Wounded Self

written by Dr. Margaret Paul December 31, 2019
Moving Out of Your Ego Wounded Self

Sometimes, when we get stuck in our wounded self, it is hard to wind our way out of it.

I’ve noticed what I do when I’m happy and my frequency is high, as opposed to when my frequency feels low. I’ve also found it is helpful to me to keep a list of ways I’ve learned to move myself from closed to open.

Some Ways I’ve Found that Work for Me

There is subtlety in these choices. That means I need to be consciously doing these things because it is loving for me to do them rather than doing them as a form of control. It’s possible for your wounded self to choose these same behaviors as a way to avoid responsibility for your feelings and avoid learning from your pain. When that is the intent, then these choices will not raise your frequency, which means you will not move out of your wounded self. So, please, be honest with yourself!

I can raise my frequency by:
  • Focusing on gratitude from my heart for what I have.
  • Thinking about what I want, not what I don’t want – not as a form of control but because it feels good in my heart to do so.
  • Thinking only positive thoughts based on love rather than fear.
  • Staying present in the moment with my Guidance – letting go and letting God.
  • Not attaching my well-being to outcomes and letting go of trying to control outcomes.
  • Speaking up for my feelings with others in the moment that I feel them.
  • Making sure I’m not taking anything personally.
  • Tending with compassion to my heartbreak, loneliness, grief, and helplessness concerning others.
  • Keeping my body clear and free of anything that lowers my frequency.
  • Spending time in nature.
  • Dialoguing with my Guidance.
  • Being with my animals.
  • Listening to inspiring music.
  • Smiling!

It’s All About Letting Go of Control

And choosing love, moment by moment

And it’s about doing all this for the sake of love itself rather than as a form of control. It’s about making love my highest priority, each moment, rather than protecting against getting hurt.

Ask yourself:
  • Do you tend to focus on what is not good, rather than what is good, and ruminate about it?
  • Do you tend to go along being happy and positive until someone does something unloving, and then you don’t take care of yourself and feel depressed?
  • Do you tend to get off track when externals happen – like someone being angry at you – and go into freeze mode, getting stuck in fear; or ruminate about how the other person doesn’t care about you?
  • Do you tend to get off track when the people you love, such as parents or children, are having problems, such as financial, relationship, or health problems?
  • Do you tend to get off track due to your own financial situation, or when health issues come up, or when something traumatic from the past gets triggered?

Staying Vigilant

We all need to be vigilant regarding raising our frequency back up when we get triggered into our wounded self.

It’s like our wounded self takes over as soon as something bad happens unless we get right back into thinking or doing something that raises our frequency – like something on the first list.

I find that if I take measures to raise my frequency right away, just as soon as I can feel it go low, it is much easier to go back to operating as my loving adult. If you let too much time pass, it’s easy to sink further and further into your wounded self, making it much harder to come out of the rabbit hole.

Once I’m back in my loving adult, then I can do an Inner Bonding process to understand more about what triggered me into my wounded self.

Keeping my frequency high and staying in my loving adult is a moment-by-moment choice.

Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: “Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions, and Relationships.”

Join IBVillage to connect with others and receive compassionate help and support for learning to love yourself.

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