What does it mean to be in a fully committed, monogamous relationship? The traditional meaning has to do with focusing your romantic energies only upon your partner. You are not committed if you have “one foot outside the door,” meaning you are still available for a romantic relationship with another person. I use the term “romantic” to include sexual relationships as well. You are committed if you are sure you are with the right person or feel there is no one else out there who can better fulfill your needs. Most people understand this definition of commitment.

But there are more subtle definitions of commitment.

You are also committed when your beloved is clearly number one in your life. This involves not only other people but also everything else in your life. For example, you are fully committed when your partner is more important than your career or your hobbies. After Joyce followed me to Nashville, and then to Los Angeles for my medical education, I assumed she would follow me to Portland for my internship and residency in psychiatry.