Home Relationship With Your Life PartnerConflict Management: What Love is Not Apologies Lacking Authenticity

Apologies Lacking Authenticity

Why Inauthentic Apologies Can be Maddening

written by John Amodeo, PhD, MFT June 12, 2019
Apologies Lacking Authenticity

Our relationships can suffer when our apologies lack authenticity. Yet, why is apologizing more difficult than a root canal for some people?

As a psychotherapist, I’ve found that saying, “I was wrong,” “I made a mistake,” or “I’m sorry” is directly related to the shame we carry. Burdened with a deeply ingrained sense of being flawed or defective, we mobilize to avoid being flooded by debilitating shame.

When we’ve said or done something offensive or hurtful, we may notice an uncomfortable feeling inside. We may realize we’ve broken trust; we’ve done some damage. Our response to violating someone’s sensibilities may go in three possible directions:

1. We Don’t Care

When our personality structure is rigid and hardened, we don’t register others’ pain. Having cut ourselves off from our own uncomfortable feelings, we have a blind spot to other humans’ suffering.

To access the rest of this article, please register for a free membership


Related Articles

Log In

Lost Password


The first step to becoming a member of the RD&T Community and the beginning of your personal Journey to Ultimate Success:

Join Now

Click the button below to register for a free membership and have access to unlimited articles.