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Dealing with Unmet Expectations after Divorce

written by Martha Bodyfelt October 10, 2019
Dealing with Unmet Expectations after Divorce

So I’ve been hearing this one thing a lot from divorced and separated readers and clients of mine who are trying to move the hell on after divorce: they all have unmet expectations.

People say:

  • “It wasn’t supposed to be like this after divorce.”
  • “We were supposed to grow old together…not get divorced.”
  • “I was supposed to retire in a few years, but now I have to go back to work because of the divorce.”
  • “I was supposed to be on his health insurance, but now I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

Supposed to…

I should be….

Sound familiar?

Ah, the language of expectations. Or rather, unmet expectations that now haunt us after divorce.

It’s this trap. It’s those unmet expectations that are holding you back and maybe making you feel angry or resentful.

The Truth

But here’s a truth bomb for you, my friends. We have a hard time recovering because we can’t f*cking let go of what we expected or assumed about how our life would be.

Here’s a shitty divorce truth for you all: we subconsciously think of our marriage and other relationships as a vending machine. We assume that if we put X amount of time into a relationship or make X amount of sacrifices over the course of marriage then we are entitled and guaranteed a certain output, a certain “Y.”

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