I believe there’s a common perception that men are selfish when it comes to sex. That they only want to get themselves off; that they don’t really care about their partner’s satisfaction; that they’re generally uncaring and unfeeling.
Well, I’ve almost never found that to be true.
In my work as a sex researcher, I’ve surveyed over 3,000 men and women about sex. And in fact, I usually find the opposite: men love to get women off.
Here are just a few things men have said in my research:
- “Don’t get me wrong, I love sex but it’s not nearly as good if she doesn’t enjoy herself as much or more than me.”
- “My pleasure comes from her pleasure.”
- “I just love to see her lust taking her over, wanting more and more.”
- “[It] is a huge turn-on for me when my partner is pleased.”
- “A woman’s orgasm is a wonderful thing to witness.”
(I just love this about men, by the way. I love that so many of them are so into their partner’s pleasure. It makes me happy.)
Unfortunately, what I have also found in my research is a pretty dramatic discrepancy between how much men want to please women in bed vs. how often women are actually pleased.
It’s quite a gap.
In one particular survey, I asked 1,067 women about the men who were best in bed. When I asked them how many men were good in bed, about two-thirds of the women said 30% or less.
In fact, one-third of the women surveyed said that only 10% or less of the men they’d slept with were good in bed.