As a matchmaker, I do a lot of coaching around the “where is this relationship going” talk. And this is a biggie. Some women blow it by coming off needy, clingy, or demanding. Want to come off like Marilyn Monroe with your man begging you to have “the talk” so he can lock you down? I know how to have him sweating the relationship.
Attracting the guy is easy, but getting the guy to commit to you and thanking his lucky stars that you are his girlfriend is a whole different story. I believe that you have to be fully in tune with you and what you want. Then you need to be ready to walk if you aren’t getting it. This doesn’t mean acting like a diva or playing games. I never recommend that – ever!
It’s all about knowing your value and not compromising your needs. You have my permission to make you the most important person. When you know your worth, I don’t care if newly-single Brad Pitt is toying with your heart, you will walk away like it’s no big deal if you aren’t feeling valued.
A Matchmaker’s Advice on How to Have the “Where is this relationship going?” Talk
Don’t initiate “the talk”
That’s right, you heard me! Whoever brings it up first is the one sweating the relationship. You aren’t sweating it. You know what you want, and you haven’t locked it down with him until he proves himself worthy and what you want. You are done being this girl.
Let him bring up “the talk”
That means he is worrying about it, and you don’t come off demanding when you state your needs. You know your needs: commitment, calls instead of texts, exclusivity, and time spent with you. He will genuinely hear you if you aren’t the girl chasing him for “the talk.”
Don’t agree to anything exclusive
Or rush into anything exclusive either until you have seen whether this man is going to back up what he has to say with his actions and treat you well. You aren’t going to see the real person until your first fight at the three-month “make it or break stage.” Don’t get in too deep yet with your heart until you see the real him.
Don’t tolerate his lateness
Don’t tolerate a lack of phone calls or any other behavior that is deemed not desirable in your book. That doesn’t mean you bitch about it. Just don’t give him the time of day if he doesn’t respect your time or you. His behavior and actions speak volumes. If this is what is going on, you will want to have “the talk,” but refrain. There is nothing to talk about or define. You hear it loud and clear, which is why you should be ready to date other guys.
This brings me to – date other guys!
Yes, you heard it. We make the mistake of cutting off our options way too soon. That which he has to work to earn, (not just him but anyone) will appeal more because guys are competitive. Don’t let him know this, but trust me, a little flirting with some other options will do wonders for your self-esteem. He will feel you are just a little aloof, and you should be until someone bothers to meet your needs. Once again, keep him sweating it. This isn’t a game.
Most importantly, always be honest no matter how vulnerable you feel. This doesn’t mean saying Susan Trombetti says date other guys! It means you don’t need to be bitchy. Put your heart out there. Remember, you have other options. Say what you want when he asks what you are looking for, but let him know you don’t know yet if he is that person. You are still observing to see if it’s right for both of you. When he brings it up, if you know in your gut this is the right thing to do, go for it after observing and clearly stating your needs. This is important. You will know for sure. There will be no doubts. 90% of communication is non-verbal so this just means his actions have lined up with his words and this is a good place to be.
Susan Trombetti, Matchmaker and the CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking.