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How To Make Friends As An Adult

Part One: 7 of The 13 Reasons Why You May Be Struggling

written by Kris Verlé May 28, 2019
How To Make Friends As An Adult

Even if you were lucky enough not to experience a painfully timid childhood, it’s easy to recognize that our coping mechanisms for shyness become way more sophisticated by the time we’ve reached our twenties.

Ironically, just when we’re most comfortable with ourselves, the number of actual opportunities to connect with others in a deep and meaningful way dwindle — and often so does our actual desire to do so. Yet, while that desire to make new friends becomes less urgent, our need for intimacy often remains the same.

In my practice as an online life coach — and particularly as a gay life coach — this triangle of laziness, shyness, and lack of practice comes up a lot. Certainly, anecdotally, it seems the majority of us struggle with an increased sense of loneliness and social isolation, especially once we’ve reached the big Three-Oh.

Aside from having to scroll further down those online booking forms to find your year of birth, there’s, of course, nothing inherently eerie about turning thirty. It’s just an interesting reference point from which you can look back on, a hopefully wild and exciting ride marked by self-discovery, insecurities, and undirected focus.

Nights Out With Netflix and Tinder

Our thirties usually mark the point where career, relationship, and sometimes kids all compete for our limited bandwidth — mostly at the expense of our social engagements. Aside from the office, the gym, and the never-ending stream of baby showers, opportunities for regular and spontaneous interaction with interesting strangers rapidly dwindle.
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