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Pausing Before You Speak

written by John Amodeo, PhD, MFT July 25, 2019
Pausing Before You Speak

Needless to say, communicating with a loved one isn’t always easy. We may think that our communication skills are good—and maybe they are. But what we may overlook is how our emotional tone is often more important than our choice of words. A snarky or irritable tone can poison the atmosphere for effective communication, and so, pausing before you speak can be powerful.

We’re Wired with a Longing for Love and Intimacy

We want kindness, caring, and affection. As Attachment Theory teaches, we don’t thrive when we’re not feeling emotionally safe with a person—when we’re not feeling seen, heard, and understood. When these core needs aren’t met, an inner danger alarm gets triggered. We become irritable and reactive as our fight, flight, freeze response is triggered.

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