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The Benefits of Knowing Your Attachment Style

written by Jessica Baum October 18, 2019
The Benefits of Knowing Your Attachment Style

Identifying Your Attachment Style can Lead to Better Relationships

Are you tired of having an unsuccessful dating life or of eternally looking for Mr. Right? Do you feel frustrated with going from one relationship to another, only to end up with a broken heart? Your attachment style could be the reason for this!

Understanding your attachment style can help you identify the root cause of your relationship woes, and thereby determine the best way to enhance your relationships.

There are three basic attachment styles: anxious, avoidant, and secure. Let’s see how to identify each.

Anxious (or Anxious-Preoccupied)

The anxious, or anxious-preoccupied, are anxiously preoccupied with their partner’s needs, worries, and doubts. They’re constantly worried about what their partner is doing, if their partner is happy, and how they can be better for their partner.

While this “selfless love” seems like a positive thing, the anxious avoid their true feelings and in turn “lose themselves” within their relationships.

An anxious person’s behaviors in a relationship are mainly driven by fear of abandonment. They tend to be needy or clingy, and they’re always craving intimacy and seeking attention from their partner. They’re always concerned about whether or not their partner would love them back.

Avoidant (or Fearful Avoidant)

People with an avoidant or fearful avoidant attachment style are afraid to make commitments and would avoid it at all costs. Being committed would open doors to vulnerability, and the avoidant dislike feeling or being vulnerable.

An avoidant person struggles to be there for you, not because they don’t have feelings for you. In fact, they may love you, but they struggle with feelings of intimacy oftentimes because of a deep-seated fear of not being good enough.

For the avoidant, close relationships make them feel that their independence is being impeded. They tend to pull away from a relationship when it starts becoming intense.


A secure person naturally has a secure sense of self. They have healthy self-esteem, a positive view of themselves and their relationships, and a healthy way of dealing with attachment issues.

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