Linda Bloom, cautions against 90 behaviors that can damage relationships.
It’s hard to admit the awful things we do and say and don’t do and don’t say that cause harm to those we love. All those unskillful choices boomerang back to cause suffering to us as well. If any of these bloopers listed below are ones that you resort to when you are hurt, frightened, frustrated, or angry, please catch yourself red-handed. Then you can be more careful to pause and reflect before continuing to indulge in such destructive communications. These are offered as an inventory to see the ways you may be holding down the well-being of your relationship, so that you can enjoy your partnership to the max.
- Indulging in issuing your judgments
- Taking an attitude that your partner is the enemy that must be defeated
- Insisting that you’re right
- Making agreements that you break
- Grabbing power
- Issuing insults
- Raising your voice
- Having a hard edge with a quiet voice
- Indulging in criticism
- Keeping secrets
- Telling lies
- Insisting on continuing a discussion when they have asked for a break
- Bringing out the big guns by threatening divorce or separation
- Violating confidentiality by revealing private information you know they don’t want you to gossip about
- Using vulnerable information you are privileged to have to throw out to them to gain an advantage
