Over the years, I have helped hundreds of couples work through their issues. And even after all this time, the complaint I get the most when I pick up the phone is, “We struggle with communication.”
I can honestly tell you that at least eight of my ten daily calls start off with the above statement. But most couples don’t understand that while communication is important, there’s often a deeper issue than simply conversing. Couples sit, trapped in a loop of self-defensiveness and reactionary responses. They’re unable to slow down and build awareness around what’s really happening between them.
Therefore, what couples see as failed communication is often the past being triggered, the act of not listening or not being heard, or a lack of validation.