One of the questions that we often receive from our readers is:

What are the deal-breakers in relationships, and what’s the best way to deal with them?

“Deal-breakers” are those behaviors or conditions that one partner is unable or unwilling to tolerate in a relationship. Because “tolerance” is a relative term and subject to everyone’s unique capacity to accept varying degrees of distress or discomfort, there is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question, and no higher authority we can defer to that could legitimatize our right to refuse to tolerate a specific practice or behavior on the part of our partner.

While one person may be willing or able to tolerate occasional affairs on the part of a spouse, another may be unwilling to remain a couple after a single betrayal. The same goes for verbal abuse, addiction, chronic dishonesty, different religious beliefs, or any of a number of other conditions that may be present in a relationship.