We’ve all been there. You know what I’m talking about – when the little green monster of jealousy rears its ugly head. No one likes feeling like this, so how can we overcome these awful feelings of insecurity and have a successful, happy, and healthy relationship? It’s not always easy, but the good news is that jealousy in relationships can definitely be overcome.
What Causes Insecurity and Jealousy in a Relationship?
There can be many causes of insecurity and jealousy in relationships, but they are all rooted in one basic problem: not feeling good about yourself.
Sure, there are the exceptions where you might have great self-esteem and you just happened to pick a loser who cheats on you. Well, it could happen. But typically, people with a high sense of self-worth don’t choose romantic partners who will treat them badly.
One of the leading causes of low self-esteem (and the resulting insecurity and jealousy) is having a problematic or traumatic childhood.
When a baby is born, its brain is like a blank computer. Nothing has been programmed into it yet. However, as the years go by, everything that is said – and done – to the person gets ingrained into their psyche and creates who they are.
I always say that a parent’s “voice” becomes their child’s “voice” later in life. In other words, if your parents told you that you are a loser, lazy, and no-good, then you will end up believing that, too. But if they told you how much they love you, are proud of you, and that you can do anything in life, then you’ll believe that.
As you can see, if you grow up in a household with parents who weren’t loving and didn’t give you positive messages about yourself, well, then you will subconsciously choose romantic partners to match that self-fulfilling image of yourself.