Regardless of the problems that bring couples into therapy, what I often see driving their problems is one core one — the need for individuation, the need to speak up and be more of the person I really am. While one partner may be leading the charge, generally both are feeling the same. The same is that there is a staleness, a sense that the relationship isn’t working as well as it did; there’s a restlessness, a need to break out of routines and roles.
Common Signs that Individuation is Afoot
Increase in Stupid Arguments:
Arguments about dishes left on the counter, socks on the floor, who ate the rest of the cake. Stupid because they are about small stuff; stupid because they are basically opportunities for venting; there is no problem-solving.