Ken Page, LCSW, reveals the truth about sexual attraction and how it applies to our dating lives. This article is essentially a direct transcription of his talk. Subscribe and listen to the Deeper Dating Podcast here.
We all know we can’t force our sexual attractions. But what no one teaches us is that we can educate them! In this episode, I’m going to teach you how.
Even if you are relentlessly attracted to the bad boys and the bad girls, you can still develop this capacity. These are not gimmicks; they are the lifelong skills of romance and intimacy; the same skills you’ll use to keep the passion alive in your next serious relationship.
Have you ever felt like the people you’re most attracted to aren’t available or aren’t good for you? And that the people who are available and are good for you are just not the ones you’re attracted to?
Today we’re going to tackle what might be the most common struggle of all in the world of dating. I’m going to share some ways to cultivate sexual and romantic attraction to people who are good for you and available.
What to do?
We can’t force ourselves to be attracted to someone we’re not attracted to, just because that person is good for us, it doesn’t work, and if we try, it’s going to put us and our partner through hell. We can’t force our sexual attraction. Most of us have learned this the hard way. But, there’s something profound that most of us have never been taught. Even though our sexual attraction cannot be forced, and cannot be controlled, it can be educated.
The Attraction Spectrum
In my own life, and after working with thousands of people, I’ve learned that sexual and romantic attractions can change. Not quickly, but if you picture a giant ship in the ocean needing to turn, that turn happens gradually, but it happens. Let’s discover how that change can happen; because if you learn to educate your attractions, you will be on the course to happy, fulfilling love. And these are lessons that we are not taught.