Robert Taibbi, discusses the need for individuation in a relationship — that sometimes not rocking the boat can have an adverse effect on a marriage.
Kim and Jack have been married for six years. While they’ve always gotten along, enjoyed each other’s company, and have had few big arguments, for the last few months they have simply been snipping and snapping at each other about admittedly little things. They both agree it’s time to call a truce, to lower the temperature. And so, they do — they each work hard to bite their tongues and tamper down their feelings. Essentially, they both are walking on eggshells.
While their intentions are good, namely, trying to change the climate, reduce the tension, and ideally try and have productive problem-solving conversations, there is a “but.” Their instincts are telling them to be more careful and cautious, but this often leads to using distance to avoid conflict — the tension is still in the air — and there is the danger of their moving into parallel, roommate-type lives.